


Sirius Black and The Unexpected Valentine

by mother_fisher



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-13
Updated: 2015-02-13
Packaged: 2018-03-12 05:33:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3345410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mother_fisher/pseuds/mother_fisher
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Sirius Black is a good, albeit oblivious friend, and Remus just wants him to be his Valentine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sirius Black and The Unexpected Valentine

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Half_Mad](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Half_Mad/gifts).



> For Half_Mad, because I owe you. Happy Valentine's Day!

Sirius Black was a lot of things. He was smart-mouthed, and a bit too arrogant for his own good. He was a flirt, and a bad boy. He was a Black, which was a sin in its own right. He was the disappointment of his miserable family, which Sirius wouldn't exactly classify as a bad thing, but it didn't do wonders for his self-esteem either. Sirius Black was a lot of things, but he was not a bad friend. Never. Not in a million years.

It was a few weeks after the Christmas holidays had ended. Sirius had spent them with Prongs and the rest of the Potters, who were far too nice to have raised such an insufferable little git. Sirius had pointed this out to them more than once. Prongs had rolled his eyes each time, a comeback rolling off his tongue before Sirius could even finish laughing. That was part of the reason why Sirius was doing this for James now.

He strolled up to Moony after classes had finished one day. Predictably, he was studying in the Gryffindor common room, probably to prepare for an exam no one had even begun to think about. Sirius took his time walking up to him, completely aware and very pleased with the eyes that were following him. He knew that most Gryffindor girls, and probably a few from the other houses, fancied him. Sirius rarely ever indulged in their attractions however, no matter how pretty or delicate or stylish or bright they were. Sirius didn't have much (not anymore), but he still had his image.

"Moony!" Sirius bellowed, falling into the stiff and overstuffed chair across from his friend. "Moony, I'm having an existential crisis."

Remus barely even glanced at Sirius, who was in a state of over dramatic, faux-panic. His arm draped over his face as if he were a vampire shielding itself from the sun. "What do you want, Padfoot? Can't you see I'm busy?"

"Oh, come off it, Moony, this is important!" Sirius insisted, straightening himself up in his chair as if to show that this was too serious a matter to lounge.

Remus huffed, but set his quill down begrudgingly. He turned to face Sirius. "There, are you happy now? What's so important?"

Sirius leaned in closely to Remus' chair and spoke softly and seriously. "Moony," he began and then broke off, like he was saying something too terrible to continue. "Moony," he began again, and Remus was actually beginning to look at him with interest. "I think I do have a heart after all."

"Oh, honestly, Padfoot--" Remus began angrily.

"No, no. Moony, I am being serious, now, I really do need your help." Sirius said, still smirking. Always smirking.

Remus looked at him through eyes made squinty with suspicion. "What do you need, Sirius?"

"I need you to help me get Prongs shagged." Sirius replied simply, as if he'd just suggested they head to dinner soon.

Remus rolled his eyes. "Padfoot, don't make me--"

"Honestly, Moony! I'm being serious," Sirius said, with a smile, because he would never get over the wordplay. "Haven't you noticed how tightly wound up he's been? It's high time we get him and Evans snogging."

"You're not joking?" Moony asked, closing whatever rubbish book he'd been reading.

"Even if I weren't doing this just because I'm a stand-up bloke, I'd do it because the tension was killing me!" Sirius insisted.

Moony stared at him for awhile longer. "Alright, I'll help you, you git."

Sirius smirked at him. Always smirking. "Thanks, mate."

"Yeah, yeah. What do you have planned?" Moony asked, sitting up straight and fixing his robes.

"Why do you think I came to you, Moony? You're the brains of this operation, you tell me."

Remus' eyes widened considerably. "You mean you haven't even gotten anything planned? What do you think I know about this stuff?"

"You're the closest thing to a girl I can trust!" Sirius reasoned, earning a hard punch in the shoulder from Moony.

"Fine, you idiot, I'll think of something."

"Oh, Moony, I knew I loved you for something." Sirius said mockingly.

Remus hit him on the shoulder with his Charms textbook, and Sirius wondered why on Earth it had to be so big.

***

Only hours later, Sirius found Remus at the top of the Astronomy Tower. When he heard him approaching, Moony turned around with something of a smug smile on face. It didn't suit him very well, his features weren't mischievous enough. Unlike Sirius' own.

"Padfoot, you owe me, big time." He declared, arms crossed over his chest. "Whatever I say, you have to do, that's how much you owe me. I might even make you shave your head bald."

"I'm not doing anything until you tell me what this big plan of yours is." Sirius returned dryly, refusing to entertain Remus' fantasy.

"It's simple, really. No magic required, even." Remus said. "Tomorrow, the day before Valentine's Day, if we want to make Prongs look good, I'll need you to corner one of Lily's mates. Convince her to meet up with Lily at Three Broomsticks at three o'clock on Valentine's Day, but the trick is--"

"Lily's mate isn't going to show up..." Sirius replied, putting two and two together in his head. "Yes, that's... bloody brilliant, actually. Why hadn't I thought of that? I could've taken all the credit."

"Don't be stupid, the plan would've fallen to pieces the minute you thought of it, knowing you."

"Have you told Prongs?" Sirius asked

"Of course I have, him being clueless does nothing to give us an advantage."

"Brilliant, now which of Evans' mates do I have to seduce?" Sirius wiggled his eyebrows playfully.

Remus grinned so wide, it looked as if his face would split in two. "Agatha, who else?" Remus laughed. "Didn't I say you owe me?"

***

Agatha Grant was absolutely vapid, and this was coming from Sirius Black. She cared about nothing but her looks, her clothes, and her hair. Beautiful and vain, it was a wonder she was even sorted into the Gryffindor house. Even more curious, that she was friends with Lily Evans. Then, Lily had been close with Severus Snape last year before he called her a mudblood. Perhaps she thought she could fix people like that. It was foolish to Sirius. No use making a friend out of charity cases. Well, except Peter.

Sirius walked up to Agatha glumly, barely containing his eye roll when Moony flashed him a thumbs up. What a git. He sat down across from Agatha, pleased that Evans was nowhere to be found. Her long dark hair was parted neatly down the middle, pulled into two silky braids. Her light blue eyes were lined with something dark, and her shiny lips were pulled up slightly to the right, as if she were amused.

"Sirius Black." Agatha said brightly, like he was some sort of revelation. Sirius nearly gagged. She sounded a bit like his mother, saying his full name like that. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Agatha, Agatha, Agatha. I need to talk to you about love." Sirius was happy that his distaste didn't leak into his words.

"Love?" Agatha parroted hopefully, like she hoped Sirius would profess his undying love for her. Un-bloody -likely.

"You're mates with Evans, Potter is my best mate. You know he fancies her, don't you?" Sirius said gravely.

"Everybody knows, except for her." Agatha rolled her eyes. "She's repulsed by him."

"I know, I know. But James has really changed, honestly. Besides, Evans isn't still hanging 'round Snape, still. Is she?" Sirius asked.

"No," Agatha replied, then said gamely: "How do you propose I get her to meet James, then?"

"Just tell her to meet you at Three Broomsticks tomorrow, at three, but don't come." Sirius winked.

"Fine, Black, I'll do it. On one condition." Agatha reasoned, holding up one finger. Her nails were gold and talon-like.

"Fine, what is it?" Sirius demanded, his legs itched with the need to walk away.

"You have to kiss me." Agatha sing-songed. Sirius thought it sounded like she was mocking him.

Sirius rolled his eyes, probably not hiding it well, but not caring. "Alright."

He leaned right in and pressed his own to her sticky ones. They tasted like vanilla, and Sirius was unreasonably disgusted. He liked vanilla, usually. Then, when Sirius felt he'd wasted enough time, he pulled away. Agatha smiled him, dazed. Sirius turned away and began to head back towards Remus.

Moony looked at him for a moment, his lips curled in disgust, eyes unreadable. Sirius thought maybe he'd gotten a bit too theatrical. Before he could ask, though, Remus gathered his things and stalked away.

***

"Ow, Moony, you're on my foot!" Sirius exclaimed. They were hidden in an alcove in Three Broomsticks, faces hidden behind The Daily Prophet.

Remus scowled in response. "Shut up, will you? There's Evans now."

Sirius ignored him, though he did see Evans' breeze through the door. "What's got your knickers in a twist, today?"

Remus' neck turned blotchy and red. "Sirius, shut. Up." He stared straight ahead, and saw Lily sit down reluctantly with James.

"No, what're you so angry about?"

Remus said nothing, just glared at Sirius again.

"Is it about Agatha?" Sirius joked, when he could no longer take the silence. "Was I getting too steamy? She really is pretty, too bad she's such a b--"

"Sirius. Shut it." Remus said quietly, his face was even redder than Evans' hair.

"So it is about Agatha, then?" Sirius prodded further. He looked at Remus quizzically. "Wait, are you--?"

"I'm not anything." Remus insisted. His face begged to differ.

"You're jealous?" Sirius said quietly. "You l--"

Remus was up and out of The Three Broomsticks before Sirius could finish, James and Lily's laughter ringing in his ears.

***

Sirius listened to James go on about his date with Evans for awhile ("she says this was a practice date. I have to take her someplace nicer for the real thing.") but he wasn't paying much attention. He kept thinking about Remus, who was still nowhere to be found. At seven o'clock, when Sirius decided Remus had had enough time to himself, he went up to the Astronomy Tower. Moony was there, of course, reading. He was kind of pretty, for a bloke. Sirius hadn't ever really thought. He thought about it now.

"Remus," he said, softly. Sirius almost never called him by his first name.

"You don't have to be here." Remus replied, just as softly. "I don't need your pity. I don't need another thing for you to--"

"I'm not pitying you." Sirius insisted.

Remus scoffed, but didn't say anything.

"I don't mind."

"What?" Remus looked up. They looked big, and wet, almost like a child's.

"I don't mind it, that you fancy me." Sirius repeated. "I could give it a try. You. Us." he sounded so bloody cliche, like a Muggle romance movie.

Remus looked at curiously. "Really?"

Sirius smirked. "I'm serious."

***

Snogging Remus was much better than it had been with Agatha.


End file.
